Healing our Blind Spots
We've all got blind spots...
by Meagan Good, MA, LPC; Founder of Take Heart
December 17, 2024
“What on earth do you possibly see in those woods that is so scary?”
I urged Charley forward with conviction on a recent ride, sure that he was just spooky about something silly like the trees looking different with all the leaves down, or seeing a deer or squirrel (which he sees all the time as the patch of woods is right behind his field).
But Charley backed into our riding buddies and refused to walk forward, certain that something was unsafe. At a quick glance, I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, and so, slightly frustrated that my awesome trail horse was spooking at nothing, I hopped down and walked him forward to lead him and the two younger horses behind us down the trail past the scary woods. It is my firm belief that as the being with the more developed thinking brain, sometimes we need to lead our horses through situations they don’t understand – much like a parent leads a child. It’s not forced, but it’s our responsibility as good leaders to guide and direct and reassure our horses through hard things.
We walked back and forth, up and down that path a couple times, to reassure the horses that there was nothing to be afraid of. We continued our loop of a trail, and only on the way back home, coming by the patch of woods again, did we see what the horses were trying to tell us. There was a hunter in the woods, waiting for a deer to walk by! He was all decked out in the appropriate orange gear, but somehow our human eyes had missed him despite our multiple marches past this patch of woods earlier.
We laughed as we were certain the horses were saying, “who has the more developed brain now, Meagan?!?”
It’s possible the hunter had been in a position where we couldn’t see him, but the horses could smell him, hear him, and sense his predatory energy (note – I am not against hunting, just using this terminology as a hunter looking for deer would have the same energy as a mountain lion or bear to a horse!). And instead of trusting their senses and asking them questions about what was happening – we (wrongly) assumed they were just misbehaving or not understanding something (like the leaves being gone and now the trees looked different)…. and we moved forward seeking to correct their behavior, but without understanding the cause.
This story has so many directions I could take and parallels we could draw from that are applicable to life…. but one theme stands out especially to me:
I need others to help me see what I can’t. I have blind spots, like it or not.
Blind spots are universal – we all have them. Sometimes our blind spots are created by simple lack of awareness – something we have never experienced or thought about would naturally make us ignorant in a specific area.
But often, our blind spots are related to our own wounds or fears.
In my situation with Charley, I had a literal blind spot – I was unable (and unwilling?) to see that there was a legitimate reason Charley was refusing to walk forward. I have learned over time and LOTS of (sometimes painful) self-reflection that fear often drives my reactions. When I slow down and take time to reflect, I can manage the fear appropriately and respond with a conscious choice. When I’m riding a 1000+lb animal, I have learned that I’m a little more fearful than when I’m on my own two feet. I LOVE riding, but my nervous system sure loves controlled movement! If the horse’s movement becomes uncontrolled, my survival/emotional brain kicks in – even if it’s only a little – and I become more reactive.
(Note: respond vs. react – one is impulsive and usually dysregulation/survival/emotionally-driven, the other comes from a regulated decision)
If I had been able to stay more regulated (and I wouldn’t say I was dysregulated completely, by any means – I just wasn’t fully regulated!) I might have considered what the horses were seeing, listened to what Charley was trying to tell me, and worked through Charley’s fear in a completely different way. I wouldn’t have stayed blind to that which I could not see. I’m not sure my literal process (walking them by the scary thing) would have been very different – but my nervous system would have been communicating safety, empathy, attunement, togetherness… and not something that probably felt a lot more like “come on, dummy, it’s just trees.”
There was a lot of repair that has happened since this ride! I had to work on communicating to Charley that I DO care what he is saying, and that I want to listen. I had to re-attune with him and let him know that his safety matters to me. There’s no one way to do this, but what I chose was to just spend time with him in the field the next day – in his herd, his territory, his comfort zone – entering his world instead of trying to force him into mine.
Our blind spots can cause rifts in relationships with ourselves, others, or God… and can keep us wounded or fearful.
While I haven’t had time to go back on the trail yet, my next ride with Charley was much more relaxed and attuned. I think my repair was successful as he seemed happy to ride and be with me.
Healing of this specific blind spot has happened – maybe not in full, because I honestly don’t know what my response (reaction?) will be next time I’m on a horse that spooks. I HOPE, however, that I will be more understanding. Cognitively, I am more aware now that I can actually trust Charley (well, really, I can trust any of our horses) to tell me something honestly and that it’s worth listening to. I added another piece to healing this fear that makes me want to control the horse’s movement. I have to validate that the fear is real – but recognize that trust means I can stay connected and not try to control. And now that I’m aware of this, I can start to make a change.
Additionally, when others point out our blind spots, it can be painful. It was certainly humbling to have this literal blind spot pointed out by my beloved horse, but I can definitely think of other relationships where someone has pointed out a blind spot for me and it felt more vulnerable, embarrassing, or even shameful. However – change is never truly motivated by shame. Shame only holds us back. You don’t have to be ashamed of your blind spots! Rather, trust that the person pointing them out genuinely cares and wants to see you become the best version of you – the you that you were created to be.
“But what if I don’t trust the person who pointed out that blind spot? What if the situation was not a safe or healthy one?” Consider the new awareness you have anyway – you now have awareness of that blind spot which empowers you to make a choice about it! I DO recognize that not all situations where a blind spot comes to our attention, is a situation where it is safe to be vulnerable and make repair. I will always encourage you to hold whatever boundaries you need to protect your own safety. Not every person gets access to your innermost self – that’s just a healthy boundary!
What are your blind spots? Do you have awareness of them yet? Will you start to look for them the next time an uncomfortable situation arises?
Remember, once you have awareness, you can make a choice about it. That’s true empowerment!
You are not trapped or bound to your blind spots – you can change. Choice requires permission to say yes or no to something like change – so technically, you always have a choice to not change. But I would encourage you that even if changing this blind spot will require hard work, vulnerability, painful self-inspection, challenging choices… it’s worth it!
You deserve to become the best version of yourself – the version God created you to be, free from anything holding you back.
If you need help walking through change, identifying blind spots… our counselors and horses may be a valuable resource for you. Let us help!
Charley & Meagan have been best friends since ~2003. Charley has been retired from therapy work since 2021 and enjoys (typically!) trail rides with Meagan whenever time allows.
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